Beautiful moments recently encountered
A Sycamore seed. I've never taken the time to explore a Sycamore seed. I'm not sure how to describe the smell of the Sycamore seed, but I recommend pulling out a few of the tiny, whispy seeds, holding it up to your nose, and letting its soft hairs give you a tickle. They smell kind of sweet and also a little bit like coriander?
Sitting in Tyler's little house (or shed) in our backyard warmed by the heat and smell of the wood stove. No electricity.
A winter walk with a pink sunset. I've noticed lately that so many of the sunsets have been very pink. Do sunsets at certain times of the year illicit different colors more frequently? Like grapefruit pink in winter? Someone must know.
Heartbeet likes to curl up under my ribs lately, and although it hurts many times, I still enjoy the moments when the curling is happening, when a mysterious baby part bulges outward. In these moments I give it a pat and say, "hi baby, hi."
Spending the afternoon with my parents & Tyler...lots of laughter. Even if my dad and mom were both feeling under the weather it was really nice to have an afternoon to sit leisurely in the living room together.
Dancing in the library room to some good ol' funk.
When Brian comes home and walks into the room and says crazy things mixed with that little hip-shakin', hand-wavin' dance of his.
Cooking oatmeal at 5AM when no one can sleep
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Mama things
It's coming so soon now. I have a lot of energy, but at night my body is achy, especially my legs, hips, and all those parts that are stretching down there. All of this amazes me. Growing continues, the body prepares for birth. I've felt very calm lately, more steady and stable than the last few months which were filled with more bursts of emotion, ups and downs. There are still sensitive moments and times when I am flustered, but overall I feel a new sensation of strength. The baby also seems calmer now, probably because there is so little room for them to move around, but I think they also sense what is to come... and we all need a lot of rest and preparation before it all happens.
I trust my body. I really do. I feel at home in her shell. I feel appreciative. I can't imagine speaking ill of or toward my body again in the future, and even though I never struggled to any intense degree (I have many friends and loves who have and I have seen how hard it is) I experienced difficult moments and negative feelings toward my body at one point or another. It really is terrible when we feel persuaded by so many forces telling us our body is not enough. Everything these days inspires me to speak frequently and fervently about listening to, trusting, and loving the body. I want to shout it from the rooftops! And when I say the body I also mean the instincts.
I feel excited to nurture and love another human being and to share with them all the things I've learned while they were growing inside me. They deserve to be thanked.
Mmmm music... I've been really into Orenda Fink's album Invisible Ones, especially the song Animal and Miracle Worker. Orenda's writing is really incredible. Also on the list is Fever Ray's self-titled album. There is something about the beat and the strength these women are putting out in these songs that really does something for me right now...
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Where will we live?
I continue to dream about places and situations I'd like to move toward in the future. I know that living with others (other individuals, other families, having a community home) is very important to me. I also dream of being able to live further away from urban/city life. There are just too many aspects that I personally could do without. It's noisy. There are too many cars, too many police, parks are really nice but nothing compared to more open spaces for wandering & open skies, too few non-domesticated animals, too much consumption (or need to spend money on things that should/could be free). It's like that book, Town Mouse, Country Mouse. I think I am a country mouse. At the same time I have no interest in living in a homogeneous community of like-minded individuals who never challenge one another.
It'd be nice to have a space we could walk out into in the mornings, a raspberry patch that is wild, a forest garden, a small creek we could explore and maybe even splash around in during the summer, foot-trails within walking distance... mountains...
You know, sometimes I think it feels good to be a little bit restless. I think it keeps me moving, keeps me going in the direction of new possibilities. And I think it is also possible to feel both at ease with the way things are currently... and still have a bit of a twitchy tail (if you know what I mean).
