ups and downs

i am still in school right now and trying to be a farmer. this means sometimes (like today times) i feel very low, very spent.

a few weeks ago we lost a lot of cauliflower seedlings at the farm and then we lost all of the artichokes after i put them in the ground (windstorm). i don't like losing plants, but something else always comes up, something else replaces it. yesterday i finally noticed the spinach growing and then i place a grown thyme plant in the ground in about 1 minute. that was really satisfying.

so here i am -- the worn and inspired caitie. it doesn't make sense to feel emotions so strongly at once, but i do. i am really inspired these days by all the people around me. there is this deep glowing thing inside my body that tells me it is all possible... that my dreams are possible and a better world is possible (a world where we all feel a lot more empowered and fulfilled).

i am inspired by women and men in my community who are living the lives they want. the freelance writer, the second hand clothing shop owner, the food artist, the musician, the contracted organizer, the urban homesteader/gardener, the farmers... i know so many people who do what they love and make it work.

and that is just what i am trying to do...

three hawks
swinging, creeking barn doors
endless dirt beneath my finger nails
and in my hair
i bent down and felt it between my toes
and in my back

dropping seeds one inch, one inch, one inch
while a beautiful black-haired babe looked curiously on
at the wet dogs tracking down trouble,
two kids moving mud mountains,
those tending kale and collards,
the crisp sky clearer than water,
the laughter bubbling up,

reverberating between the trees...

finally we sat down
sunburned and tongue tied
lapping up plates of lunch

i was so satisfied
so full
so mind emptied
so thankful
for all the help
both human and divine

late at night i fell into a feverish sleep
curled up
finished
blissed